Take what's useful from criticism, and discard the rest.
That dislike, that aversion, can stop us growing, changing and improving.
Katie Roiphe tells the story of a writer who sent a draft of her book to the novelist Philip Roth. Rather than being kind and constructive, he was apparently ruthless and nasty. Yet she handled it with poise and detachment. Another writer might have been crushed or paralysed, Roiphe writes, but she simply addressed the few useful parts of his criticism and put the rest aside, scribbling playful, defiant responses in the margins. “What's bugging you, Philip?” she said, with a sad shake of her head.
Later she said, “I didn't accept his dislike of the book.” To take it with that kind of equanimity, and not let it undermine either the friendship or the manuscript, takes a remarkably healthy sense of self.
Marcus Aurelius reminds himself that he has the freedom to take correction and criticism. He knew he didn't control what people said or how they said it, but he did control how he handled it, and that staying in error out of spite or protest was crazy. That takes discipline. It takes poise. It takes a strong sense of self.
“
We are not our mistakes. We are not the manuscripts we hand in.
The only thing that says something about us is how we respond: whether we let criticism make us bitter or better, whether we take what's useful and discard the rest, and whether we keep going, undeterred, on the path we know is right.
TRY THIS TODAY
Think of the last piece of criticism that stung. Write down the one useful thing in it, and let go of the rest.
Much of what I've learned about Stoicism comes from Ryan Holiday. Find more of his writing at dailystoic.com and ryanholiday.net.
While I have edited much of this content, there are some cases where I have taken Ryan Holiday's words directly. I've included them because I think they are powerful and will be helpful for you. They are also helpful for me, and I've put them here so I can learn and understand more myself.
Visit Daily Stoic