Real confidence doesn't need to be celebrated or worshipped. Ego is the enemy.
An aggressive, mean person can seem strong, but often they're not. It's an act. “All cruelty,” Seneca wrote, “springs from weakness.” The bully, almost invariably, has been bullied.
It's the same with ego. To the untrained eye, it can be mistaken for confidence: the self-centredness, the certainty, the entitlement. It looks like the way only the most important and gifted person in the world could get away with acting. In reality, that person doesn't feel that way inside at all. On the contrary, they feel very small.
Nero, for instance, demanded that enormous audiences celebrate his greatness. This was the same emperor who banished a poet from Rome for being too talented, and therefore a threat.
We have to be wise enough to recognise these signs of weakness in our leaders, in our bosses and in the people we look up to. But most of all, we have to recognise them in ourselves.
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Confidence is quiet. True strength and power are restrained. They are not easily threatened, and they don't need to make themselves felt.
Ego is not just the enemy. It's the canary in the coal mine. It's a sign you're heading in the wrong direction, and that you're not as good or as strong or as secure as you think you are.
TRY THIS TODAY
Notice the next time you feel the urge to be noticed, to correct someone or to win a small argument. Let it pass. See how it feels to be quietly confident instead.
Much of what I've learned about Stoicism comes from Ryan Holiday. Find more of his writing at dailystoic.com and ryanholiday.net.
While I have edited much of this content, there are some cases where I have taken Ryan Holiday's words directly. I've included them because I think they are powerful and will be helpful for you. They are also helpful for me, and I've put them here so I can learn and understand more myself.
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