Epictetus went from slave to one of Rome's greatest teachers. These four rules sit at the heart of everything he taught.
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The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.
EPICTETUS
This is the single most important practice in Stoic philosophy: telling the difference between what we can change and what we can't. What we have influence over and what we don't. Or, in Epictetus' language, what is up to us and what is not up to us.
Once we have sorted the world into these two categories, what remains, and what was so central to Epictetus' survival as a slave, is to focus on what is up to us. Our attitudes. Our emotions. Our wants. Our desires. Our opinions about what has happened to us. Epictetus believed that however powerless we are over our external conditions, we always keep the ability to choose how we respond.
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Don't let the force of the impression carry you away. Say to it, ‘Hold up a bit and let me see who you are and where you are from. Let me put you to the test.’
EPICTETUS
Things happen and we make snap judgements. Those first impressions can be very misleading. They can warp reality itself. That's why we have to slow down, put every impression to the test and confirm that what we think and feel is actually true.
As Marcus Aurelius said, all of life is opinion. He would have learned this from Epictetus, who taught his students never to respond on impulse, and always to take a moment before choosing how to respond.
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Every event has two handles: one by which it can be carried, and one by which it can't. If your brother does you wrong, don't grab it by his wronging. Instead, use the other: that he is your brother. Take hold of the handle that carries.
EPICTETUS
In every situation there is a weak handle and a strong one. No matter our condition, and no matter how unwelcome the situation, we keep the ability to choose which one we grab.
Are we going to see that our brother is a selfish jerk? Or are we going to remember that we share the same mother, that he isn't this way on purpose, that we love him and that we have our own bad impulses too? That decision, which handle we grab, day in and day out, with everyone we deal with, decides what kind of life we live.
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If someone succeeds in provoking you, realise that your mind is complicit in the provocation.
EPICTETUS
No one can make you upset. What other people say or do is on them. Your reaction to it is on you. Someone can certainly say something offensive or stupid or mean, but no one can make you angry. Only you have that power. Getting upset is a choice.
This is always worth remembering. Don't give away your power over yourself. Don't let others bait you. Don't allow yourself to be provoked. But most of all, don't blame them if it happens. You control you, and nobody else.
TRY THIS TODAY
The next time something upsets you, run it through all four rules. Is it up to me? Is my first impression true? Which handle am I grabbing? Am I choosing to be offended?
Much of what I've learned about Stoicism comes from Ryan Holiday. Find more of his writing at dailystoic.com and ryanholiday.net.
While I have edited much of this content, there are some cases where I have taken Ryan Holiday's words directly. I've included them because I think they are powerful and will be helpful for you. They are also helpful for me, and I've put them here so I can learn and understand more myself.
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